Wednesday, June 13, 2007

but, but...we're engineers

9:00am - "Congratulations, Julian" Those were the 2 deadly words that started the avalanche. I replied, "what does that mean?" He responded, "you'll know in a minute." So, I stopped my conversation about carbon fiber motorcycle helmets that I was having with a company xyz driver and ran upstairs to check my email. There was nothing there, so I figured I had my stomach turn in knots over a completely empty threat. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in my office with my other 2 project pals, listening to a proposition, that was more like a request which seemed to be propped up against a demand that we go to Highlands, NC and deliver packages. In case, I did not make it clear, I'm a nerdy engineer. It does not mean that I'm too good to do that kind of work, it just means that I'm a nerd. I was more than satisfied to work on an access query that would count how many americans who used company xyz's services had crest tooth paste in their homes and also had a mullet. But, instead we found ourselves pushing rank down to the youngest member of the team as to who would drive the 3rd largest vehicle in my company's freight line to a remote location on a narrow road that looks like someone took an ice cream scooper to the side of a mountain, put a guardrail on the side and said, "have fun...travel that!" So on the way there, Eric(as pictured) was all game to drive up. Waka and I opted to follow behind in the dully. Now, mind you...that was not an easy drive either. Don't try to turn your computer screen sideways because the pictures only reflect the scary 5% banks we had to drive on the side of the mountain. Seconds into the trip, my face and white knuckle driving showed the stress of a mountain pass that was forcing me into various bowel movements in my pants. After arriving in the 3.5 horse town, we went straight to work. As usual, I did first things first: used the rest room & got something to eat. By that time it was delivery time. Ya know, I powered through that crap with an iron fist. I went store to store faster than a ball of tumble weed. We did experience a few roads that were only meant for unicycles, but that comes with the territory ya know. Everyone in the town apparently came from old money. They were extremely rude, and dripping with cash. I will give them one thing...they know how to churn up one heck of a triple carmel latte. Now besides the scary roads, rude customers, fast old people on walkers and with canes, we also had to work around Eric's apparent injury and Waka's obvious attempts @ landing a rich Highlands husband. The latter we'll explore in a different blog, however; we have pictures of our
solution for Eric's injured leg. We have been doing the 2 minutes of pure pain. This is basically when I stretch him out and he cries and beats the ground, and says words that I feel are highly inappropriate. Now, for the folks looking out of their windows in Highlands, NC, we appeared to be two mean wrestling on the ground. But we were helping Eric become enlightened about just how good he has it. It only hurts for 40 seconds, Eric. Yes yes, I know I was wearing dress shoes, but I did not bring my boots with me on this business trip. Some folks just call this tough love. Anyways, after long hours of stretching and working, we wrestled the vehicles back down the mountain so that we could do what we do 2nd best. You guessed right, eating. Waka found some fancy restaurant with the table cloths and all that jazz. So, we decided that in our filthy brown uniforms, and smelliness, that we would go to Franklin, NC's finest...The Frog & Owl restaurant. Now, when I feasted my eyes on the menu, my heart raced with excitement!!! Coconut Shrimp in a garlic butter sauce! YUMMY! So, we sat, and waited....and waited...and waited...and watched as 4 more tables were seated, watered, and ordered. OUTRAGE! We were starving and they were ignoring us. That reminded me how ridiculous people are. Heck, it could have been because we were not all wearing blazers, and sounding highly important, and using fake accents with our fresh penny loafers. Or it could have been that we were generally too loud, or that that I was too minority. Heck, who knows and who cares because we told a few of the folks around us about the bad service we were getting, got up, and walked out. We went somewhere that is 100% against all my morals, and still at this very moment tugs at my organic soul. But, folks when you are rejected, you have to go back to who made you great. Shoney's opened its arms and doors, and asked very little of us...they just told us not to smoke. Simple. Breakfast buffet @ 9pm? Well, why not. Heck, Waka got all she could cram in, and Eric flirted until he got a bib, a plastic fork, and gave away his phone number. You see, there is justice in the restaurant business. Even after corporate beating from the fortune 500 company we work for, our stomach were still filled(mine emptied out rather quickly however). So the next time you think you've been given a bad shake, maybe you feel like you're not appreciated....Just remember, you probably have been slighted, and yes, you probably have been given a bad deal, and you should seek other employment. In fact, you need to buck up and start standing up for yourself. Oh ya, and Shoney's serves a mean breakfast around 9pm for those who dare to taint their bowels with non-organic delights. Check please.

Friday, June 8, 2007

to sum things up...

i do realize that this very blog keeps some of you sane during your workday. i apologize for the long delay and what may have appeared to be my utter lack of concern. let's start over, "hi, my name and julian...and your name is?"

Below are the quicklist of events that have kept me away so long:
-missed the memorial day crit..call it lazy, tired, or just my lack of interest in driving 6 hours round trip to hopefully win, and if i fell short of the victory, i would have had to pout, and make up excuses that i've already used thus resulting in embarrassment
-started my now infamous wheat grass addiction. i'm sorta proud of it, but i realize that i will spend at least 3 years in rehab. i figure it will be like a scene off transpotting. anyways, i named my big wheat grass plant "wheaty" and i have given him several hair cuts, which have lead me to a lot of juicing...i was also informed last night that wheaty has a lot of bugs around him and now must be moved from the guest bedroom to the great outdoors
-joey deleon, aka, "ripped fuel deleon" had a little mtn biking accident...adios collarbone. who needs one anyways! get well soon joey, or else the project @ work is going to go down the drain.
-i learned that chuck norris is one of the toughest guys out there...
-when discussing high speed, high dollar coffee makin machines from starbucks, always make sure that the discussion stays on coffee makers, and not organic...orange...ocean octupuses... @ any rate poor Jason "IE Bouncer" Fagerquist, upon hearing about a few jokes about oracles..errhh oreos...spat out his grande flipolatte, wait the better word would be puked or spewed it out of the car, just beating the car door opening. With is face blood red, and his fellow buddy patting him on the back, while Teddy Graham's laughed himself silly in the backseat. The only thing Fagerquist didn't do was poop his pants. But, amist all the vomitting, choking, and hacking...he found one good breath of air in his lungs to utter the words, "that's going to leave a mark!" Image this man, spewing gallons of starbucks onto the pavement...one word for this man...warrior!
-for those of you who enjoyed the blog about Monte Alban which translates to "the place of intestinal destruction," we rolled back there last night and did some work. Eric took down the mighty meal once again, however; I went for the sugar eating championship and showed my endurance as I slurped down a VIRGIN pina...NO ALOCHOL...NONE!!! I had to tell the waitor like 7 times to be on the safe side, and he also brought me like 2 litters of mountain dew.

I heart the lady vols


despite what went down, i cannot turn my back on the ladies in knoxville...


I heart the lady vols

(arizona cheated game 2)