Elfland's Finest

So this is why everyone buys those fancy GPS things. I sound like a really old man facing technology head on fighting it with both old wrinkly hands, while favoring the hand with that 1904 grade school conference championship ring on the pinky. Well, that's not completely true. The truth you ask? Read John 18:37-38 ah, yes so why do I need a GPS? Well, I guess it's because having Eric look up directions to the UPS center in Durham on our company intranet isn't all that accurate. I don't know if the IT guys were just having a good laugh, but their idea to put the directions, and google map to a similar road name in Elfland as the road that the UPS center resides in Durham --- was just not cool. so 2.5 hrs after leaving my home, I end up on a couple of random side roads, and 2 corn fields later, Eric and I are pulled over looking up the directions on Mappoint. Now, in most places in the world when you do this, no one messes with you, however; the good gun-toating brothers of Alamance county like to protect and serve with 2 sheriffs per vehicle. Hey, let's just keep the country safe from corporate, button-down wearing, youngsters in a Honda civic with Yakima bike racks on top. Please please, let's make sure they don't do any damage to the cows, chickens, and various other farm animals in nearby vegetation. They are probably out here for CM or something. Whatever...long story long...guns unclipped, nervous and shakey, they approached the car, probed us heavily, and then proceeded to tell us that we were not in Durham. Well, if my surroundings did not give it away, the brown-blonde handlebar mustache of these eager deputies definitely let me know who was in control. We were instructed to leave, get to Durham, and next time to completely pull the car out of the road. As we were told, there are big trucks around there. One of them might run right over us. That was absolutely true --- why it wasn't 5 minutes previous to these words of wisdom the time warner cable Ford Ranger rolled by us. Whew, this goes to you finger on the trigger, cow lick, smile big, and spit dip juice sheriff's department of .....