lee vs norris

(showing my dance moves off at the wedding in DC)

i'm a guy. we like simple stuff: dogs, food, violent movies, and girls. yep, that sums it up. wait, i forgot cars/bikes. okay, now i think that completes the list. there are a couple of nerds out there who might like computers(i being one of those nerds), but they are the minority. so i thought i would cash in on one of my very simple pleasures. Come on ask me. Say it out loud. I'm not going to reveal what I was doing until you look dead on at the screen and ask me. Don't try to read ahead because I can ramble on for millions of sentences. I want to hear you, OUTLOUD say, "what?" Do it. You people are really making me angry. Just say it, and we'll all be even. Come on, i've given you an easy out. Just say, "what!" outloud, so that nosey chum looking over your shoulder can go ahead and hear you. Don't just tell me that you said it, and you really whispered another word; i'm no idiot. I want to hear you say it...say it! DO IT! AGGHHH!!! SAY, WHAT!!!...

easy enough. don't be so stubborn next time. I will hold out longer. Anyways, yesterday, I sat in my comfortable sleeping chair and enjoyed "The Chinese Connection." Bruce Lee beat people senseless. Remember, ole Lee was the first to patten the limb breaking, crackling beat'em up films that we all enjoy today. He drop kicked opponents through walls, into glass mirrors, and off cliffs. It really is a classic bit of cinematography. He seems to take a good stab @ a comedy/action film with his first go at the acting/direction/writing hat trick. well, anyways...his last opponent is none of than Chuck Norris. Please refer to one of my old blogs for the great web page devoted to Mr. Norris. (Eric please queue up that website for our readers in your comment) That's right, he fight Chuck Norris. They both go through a 14 minute warm up, full of finger cracking, back bends, and a couple of proud warrior stances. Excellent! And then the fighting begins...and ends...and Chuck Norris gets his NECK BROKEN! Can you believe that. We're talking, Texas Ranger Chuck NORRIS! Gets it snapped. I mean, Bruce Lee is bad...dangerous...shifty even...but I do think that breaking Chuck Norris's neck is a hard bit. Don't you think. You can hear the snap loud and clear with the TV on mute. Believe me, I've tried. it made me realize that it would never be a good idea to mess with Bruce Lee. Yes, I know he's dead, but even a fight with his skeleton could get your in serious trouble. The guy shot a dart 100 meters in the movie! 100 METERS! Paper airplanes don't go that far! oh well, go check out the movie and make your own judgement. i'm going to go hydrate.

see that was easy, okay...like i was saying, one of my very very simple pleasures in life is a good Bruce Lee movie. You know, those films started the serious butt-kickings that all films since seem to imitate. Ya know, the sound of limbs breaking and snapping as ole Lee, effortlessly dodges punch after punch, and high kicks each faceless opponent through walls, into mirrors, and off cliffs. I watched "The Chinese Connection." Ole Lee wrote, directed, and acted in this one. It's his best stab at a little comedy/action flick.

so i pay for this? seriously?

(more pics from panama)

we've all done them. well, wait...some of us have never done them, however; in theory we've done something similar. i'm speaking of the charity bike ride(this is merely a conversation continued from brandon and me about 10 mins ago...i cannot take total credit). so here's the deal. you go to bed early, get up early, carb & protein up, LIKE A RACE, get all your gear ready, LIKE A RACE, load up the car...pick other folks up, LIKE A RACE, talk a little strategy about the day, YEP JUST LIKE A RACE, you arrive and immediately start pointing out folks you know...start talking smack...start talking about old races...where Bla bla bla happened...and you would have won if it were not for bla bla...and remember the bla bla time that bla bal cut you off...and bla bla needs to ride on the rollers more...when you bla bla cat up...BLA BLA BLA, hey guess what, JUST LIKE A RACE, so you pay money??odd..., JUST LIKE A RACE, line up and some guy says riders ready..., SEEMS LIKE A RACE TO ME, you fly out of a parking lot...sure there's a little casual conversation...but in the back of your mind...your sticking on the wheel in front of you...you're determined not to get dropped...your heart rate is racing...you see 4/5 guys go off the front...you say,"ha, those idiots...this is a charity ride...haha" but in your heart you say, "i cannot let them get to much time on me...i better move up"...did you Just hear yourself..you said MOVE UP!, i thought this was a charity ride...for charity. when i think about charity, i think of the word LOVE, and good deeds, and walking the elderly across the street, and petting really old animals, and well, general stuff like that...playing bingo at the old folks home...charity...good deeds...but attacking a bunch 50 year old gray panther weekend warriors is not charity...here's the next crazy part about the 'charity ride.' you may say there's no winner, but how many times do you say stuff like, 'i better finish in the front?' there should be no front in a charity ride. we're riding for a cause folks. and how about the wide range of talent. talk about getting yourself wrecked in a heartbeat. you are looking to die.

Mr. Cat 1 please meet Mr. "WasACat5AboutSevenYearsAgoBeforeIHadAKidAndTodaySheAndMyWifeAreOutAtAYardSaleSoIGotTheGreenLightToComeOutAndRaceIMeanRideThisCharityEventThatIPlanOnWinningInTheFirst500MetersWithMy1974SchwinnSuperSport." But anyways, what do i know. i'm just a guy who knows a guy who wins a lot of races. i'm the guy who also knows a guy who knows a guy who paints figurines of little miniature unicorns with water boots on. anyways, see ya at the charity ride. i like to get in the break early....not because i think it's a race, but because the first folks back get the free...i mean donated food.

SHORT TRACK ACTION!

just that good

sometimes when you say stuff, no one listens, so i find it best to just say it twice. brandon is good enough to land this blog back to back days. that takes some skill, and/or comes with strings attached that he will house me when i make my west coast tour. if you're of the female persuation in case you have not read previous blogs, he's newly married. that's right ladies, you can roll the shopping cart down the aisle, but you cannot take anything off the shelves. i told you that the boy was good, why else would he be looking over his shoulder in this picture? BECAUSE HE HAS A GAP! now, ths is not quite like it is when I say, "GO, we've got a gap!" anyone who has ever gotten in a break with me has heard those words(obviously has not happened that many times). i cannot help from saying it. it's ridiculous and so untrue that it's not even funny. a gap to me is far enough away from the guy behind me that he cannot spit on me. so to say that it's a real gap is pretty much a stretch. let me segway into a different topic. wait, no let's keep talking about cycling. there are still a couple of races left on the calendar for me. the first could be this saturday in Augusta, then there are a couple here and there... i really need to fly away from the field and get a win. seriously, but i also need to .......in the middle of this blog i was interrupted by a phone call...on the other end you ask? an invitation to go eat mexican, so i think you know what that means

brandon's a mountain goat

i'm tired. really tired. don't want to get on the bike. my legs are sore...and i get an email of brandon dominating the competition...and just like that, i'm motivated. the man beat up on people in a race called "the devil." isn't that a clear sign that he's obviously pretty dang good. this blog is not meant to make you laugh but instead to highlight some talent. like the times i beat people up in food eating contest. that's talent. now, if i can just find a way to convert that over to riding i will be fine....also, i forgot to explain the title of the blog before this one. and please allow me to say that i do not have kids, currently am DEFINITELY not ready for them, and do not understand all that goes into rearing them(thought i'd say that before i get a buncha nasty replies from folks with ninos). Anyways, on our plane ride to Panama someone's kid thought it would be a great idea to review his ABCs. how fantastic! it's good to see that my hard earned tax dollars which support everyone else's kids because i don't have any are helping the literacy rate improve. there's just one problem, she could not get over the "L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S"....she said that part OVER & OVER & OVER. Finally, after the entire plane had reviewed the apparent 8 most important letters of the alphabet, I yelled "T-U-V!" "THERE YOU GO, HOPE THAT HELPS!" ah, just doing my part to help out america's youth. somebody pat me on the back.

q-r-s...q-r-s...q-r-s...TUV!!!

i'm really too tired to try to construct something meaningful, so you'll just have to wait until tomorrow for a decent blog. however, i will leave you with what i feel could be yet another funny picture....oh ya, may i say that traffic in Richmond, VA on up to DC is terrible. someone please show those folks how to drive. TERRRIBLLLE!!!! and this picture you might ask...what's the real relevance in a chair, with a bag of cement propped against it. my answer, i don't know. it was right outside someone's house and it looked comfy. in panama they don't so much have the lawn furniture thing going on. they pretty much just have living room furniture that you carry in and out of the house depending on where all the gentes are. genius.

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paper bag

first off, fiona apple. do you feel sorry for her when she's wailing away at the microphone with her heart seeping down her jaw off her lips, and her hands pang away at the white and black keys? she can really write a good song, and then perform it like no other. I suggest you go check out her unplugged performance....or just email me, and i'll school you on all kinds of music because i'm good like that. [topic change]

who is rhonda mayo? i'm glad you asked. she's probably responsible indirectly the reason why the second world war occurred(like 23 degrees of separation away), however; more directly she's a hard core endurance athlete who prefers Power Bar products, and cannot pick a Tour de France winner to save her life. Valverde seemed like a logical choice, but when consider the fact that he didn't take quite as much dopie vitamins as everyone else in the tour...then he seemed like not so great of a winner. oh wait, back to rhonda, oh ya, well she's a serious serious athlete. look how serious she is in these photos. she's also ready to pull the plug on her single life as of early next year(to a fantastic guy). wait, i cannot pretend to actually know the guy, but she's says that he's a great guy so i think he is. CTS has no better coach than ms. mayo. My favorite quotes from her include, "...just stick to the schedule," "...ya, but i like it because we get it free," "...what happened on the 2nd interval?" "...seriously, you're gonna win this year," and "...yah, i'm gonna learn more about that cycling peaks stuff later." I figure that's she's one of at least 12 people that live in Moab, UT. Heck, i still send xmas cards to her old Colorado residence just because i'm not sure about Moab's post office. I know they use to have at least one donkey that pulled a mail cart. anyways...if you like all those long painful events like the Pike's Peak Marathon, Leadville100, or any other random race with a hyphen and "pain" in it somewhere, she's your girl. Now, this is definitely not a ploy to get her more athletes, because quite honestly, i'm all the only client she needs. besides most of you would cringe at the workouts she puts together. in fact, i'm writing this blog as a diversion to getting on the trainer and doing intervals. hey rhonda, for this free spot i just gave you, how about a nice new CTS cycling cap?[changing subject]

alright, i know you folks want a little more panama action. This is a picture of me making my acting debut as a trouble maker friend of the Prodigal son. I'm seen here posing for pictures with the Prodigal Son's dad. I also bought nuclear weapons from him after this picture was taken...no i mean it, this guy has a really nice connect on the new warheads. (listening to Ben Harper:Serve Your Soul) Now, to the left, that's the same actor that played the PS's dad, shielding himself...as i am from the smelly poo laced wind tunnel coming out of a very large elephant replica at the mall in panama city, panama. you see, more great acting. dang i'm a natural. hey, next time i'll explain the Pythagorean Theorem and show you how to win friends and influence gray panthers.

*you know, since there have been zero replies to this blog in a long time, i've come to the conclusion that no one is actually reading it, or the people who read it are ALL just about to type something when something a lot less important pops up.

ipod charging...charging..

good time to throw down on another blog. no real adventure to let you kids in on in my life just yet, except for the fact that i basically have a camel back tied to my...erhh back...now that i dehydrated myself beyond belief. i have said already that my stupid ride with very little liquids and a whole lotta sun reminded me of my 120 mile romp where the same thing happened on the hottest day of the summer last year with my former Cheerwine, and now top secret team racer, Rachel "TT's are my thing" Gunn. we went out on one of those "suppose" to be easy training rides, everyone ended up showing up in their team kits....my ego vs yours...next thing you know, we're racing like bandits. now for me, it was just a matter of hanging on, since i was panting wildly out of my mouth...losing more saliva than i was putting in Gatorade behind ole Chris Thomas(dangerous beastly cat 1). i knew it was going to be one of those days because chris was talking to me in a normal tone up the climbs as i sucked wheel and sucked the atmosphere for oxygen. anyways, there were a few flats, group accelerations...and next thing you know, its just Rachel TT and me for the next 80 miles...as we prayed. well, i prayed...Rachel was looking down at her bike for more gears to magically appear, and we tried to think of people we could call to come pick us up. but since all of them were on the ride...somewhere we weren't because we were apparently extremely lost...we just sucked it up. road home, and vowed to never speak to each other again. of course not until that night when KimBigTruck and i showed up at her house to watch the tour. i didn't have OLN...i think that's a good excuse...plus she has a cool dog. here's more pics of my crazy speed machine down in panama...i flatted instantly out of the parking lot of the rental shop(you can tell in the pic)...too many dognuts....weeee!!!! the other pic is part of the panama jungle i walked through to get to some houses for a bible study. thanks to some all natural, super natural bug spray...i got through all that overgrowth without a bite.

99+

i think it was an idiot who was once quoted, "no seriously, it's not too hot for me to ride outside...seriously." I think from the repetitious use of the word "seriously," you know which idiot i speak of. holy sacred cow, did i get jacked up. i started out in the hottest part of the day from the house. it was raining so i thought, it was cooler than it was. after the rain was gone, so was my hydration. the next 40 miles felt like i was tina turner getting beat like a rag doll by Ike. it was as if i was trying to climb the roughest day of the tour without a single water bottle. and if you wonder, yes...i had 2 bottles of my favorite electrolyte beverage, however; both of them assumed the outside temperature of 99 degrees almost 5 minutes into the ride. so the thought of drinking liquid fire, when i could just barely breathe in the first place just was not all that appealing. so today, my head hurts like i just got into a slapping contest with Martha Stewart. although i really think it's payback...you see after a good dinner my oldest dog, chewbecca likes to lick her feet. it goes on forever and really is a nasty nasty sound. she's 8 so, i've been telling her for that many years, that after dinner i would prefer she smoke instead of lapping her saliva all over the carpet and her tiny paws for 10 minutes straight. she has never listened to me, so i took action. I sprayed all four paws down with that peppermint stuff. dogs hate that stuff. so she tried to lick them several times, and grunted and panted, and grunted and eventually just signed and gave up. i really think i heard a dog laugh when i came in dehydrated and nearly dead. ah, back to panama...this is a picture of me reasoning with a very very skinny cow. funny, they seem to be reasonable animals. the bike picture should hold your attention till the next time when i really explain what went down. i'm about to take my severely dehydrated self for a nap.

...milk was a bad choice

so, quickly to the point...i just got back off the bike. it is officially the first time i've been on it[SCOTT] in the last 8 days or so. now, i did say officially because i did challenge a few ninos down in panama to a bike race. they did not really speak english, so i jibbered to them that i wanted to race, and they all laughed at me, as they handed me the smallest bike out there. it was basically a baby BMX bike with old school 10-speed gearing, an 1702 derailleur on the back, with some really wierd handle bars. half way through my massive sprint wind up, my foot flew off the pedal, and the pedal pealed the skin on my shin like grandma would peel an apple...YUCK, right. anyways...i lost, and my wife let me know that i stink. i'm the only cyclist out there with a -6 ego rating. no wonder i cannot win a race, well there's that and the fact that i have missed some odd 9 races this year. go figure. okay, so i have so much to say and show from my time in panama. i'll spit it out day by day as to not bore you and force you to come back to see more///2 fold plan, i like to call operation panama. wow, that was in no way original. I did a little dancing with this rooster. man, he's some dancer. Also the Panamanians are great soccer players, so they planned all any free second they had. so i got to watch real football action...not that junk we do over here in the states. notice the kid down on the left side of the photo. to the best of my memory, he got kicked in the head. And, lastly, it's Andrew...just being Andrew. more about him to come.